In the Jewish tradition Shavuot, the time when the Torah was received at Sinai, is described as the wedding between God and the Jewish people. The Torah is the Ketubah, the marriage contract that expresses the vision for the new way of being that results from the union and reflects the commitment that the people make. But the most important aspect of Sinai is not the Torah itself- it is the wedding, the encounter with the divine that each person experienced in their own unique way. The Torah is given as a reminder, a way back to the moment of deep connection when the boundaries between self and Other become more permeable.
So it is for our relationships with our beloved. The essence of the wedding is not the beautiful flowers, wonderful food, or even thoughtful ceremony. It is the connection, the bond, between two people which invites everyone present a glimpse into a worldview in which all differences and conflicts are less salient than that which moves us to love each other and form a life together. As we continue on our journey and build a life together, we often have so much demanding our attention that it is easy to forget that state of connection and delight in each other on our wedding day. The Ketubah, which may contain a couple’s unique expression of their vision for their life together, can be a powerful reminder in the midst of a busy life.
In her book Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson suggests that just as children have a basic need to feel deeply connected, or attached, to their parents, adults have a profound need for attachment to other adults. This need for attachment is central to a love relationship. As you prepare for your marriage, how do you cultivate the connection between you amidst the demands of wedding planning? After the wedding, how do you continue to let your beloved know how special s/he is to you?
